This was me..............

This was me.........165 pounds.........what I had left over after my pregnancy with my son. This is approximately 8-10 weeks postpartum. I remember being in the car on the way back from Florida telling my husband that Body for Life was the program that I was going to do and I was going to submit for the challenge whether I won or not. I needed some bait to get to the finish line and get back to my pre pregnancy weight because I had to do it to stay within the weight standards of the Coast Guard. In this picture I was about a sz 14 and was still wearing maternity clothes because I was ashamed that I had gained 70 pounds and only lost 30 after the baby.

THIS is the body that I am deathly afraid of going back to after I have my third child. NOT because of how it looks I do OBVIOUSLY understand that the body takes time to get back into shape and it took 9 months to get to where I was at the time. The fear comes from looking at this body knowing that I wasn't healthy at all, I was uncomfortable, my confidence was ZERO, and I did this all to myself. My baby didn't do this to me, I did. I gave into every indulgence and for the second time in my life I acted like pregnancy was a license to eat. That is exactly what I did.

Before this, I never really ate healthy. I was once a size 3 and 105 pounds (I am 5'3) by pure luck. I was the one that ate what she wanted and didn't gain a darn pounds......that is until after I had kids. I didn't eat vegetable (what are those?) and I didn't eat chicken breasts unless they were fried and dipped in ranch or hot sauce. I took my metabolism for granted and didn't learn a lick about health. SO I went to the gym bought the Body for Life cookbook and lost 25 pounds, made weight for the USCG and went on my merry way. I stopped exercising and maintained my weight some how but I was still a sz 10 and uncomfortable in my body.

Then I went to Alaska and was faced with being a single parent because my husband was underway for months at a time. I ate easy foods, snacked on cheeze-its and indulged in sour cream and cheddar chips (I can no longer keep them in my home) and white wine on the weekends. I went back to being sedentary (I also work at a desk) and went from 145-135 several times while I was there. THIS is the body that I earned myself while I was in Alaska..........

It doesn't look much different than my postpartum one huh? At least above I had the "I just had a baby excuse." I landed at 146 and I couldn't fit into my biggest size 13 "period" jeans. That was a deal breaker for me. I was disappointed in myself but once again I got myself right there AGAIN! You'd think that busting my ass for 6 months after the birth of my son would have given me the shock that I needed but nope that didn't work either. SO what did work???? I'll tell you tomorrow to spare you from reading a novel. :)