My little revelation......

Yesterday I was listening to Joyce Meyer on my computer because I didn't go to church. I had to work yesterday afternoon and my husband had to finish his motorcycle instructor course in the morning. Yes, Father's Day was a bit of a bust. I digress. I learned a lesson this weekend and even though some may criticize me for it here it is all laid out.

In the message she talked about loving other people and the best way to experience God's love was to love other people. In that she quoted 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. She said that if we read it all the time that we would be less apt to mess up and be the people that God wanted us to be and I think that she is right. We HAVE to love other people, and be of service to them. I have been coming to this conclusion here lately with a NEED to want to do for other people. I don't really know what God is calling me to do in regards to this helping people need that I have, but I sure do know that I have been selfish and I am selfish in my own life I know this because there is a nagging in my head when I am being selfish.

I think where I need to start is with my family.

I am not a busy person but I always claim to be when it comes to my son. I always have "something" to do. It's never important just "something" that I have to do. Let's be real here, I don't like playing cars....it's boring to me but I should play cars anyway because my son wants me to. I would rather clean the toilet than play cars....this is a problem and one that I am aware of and one that I need to change. Just get down and play with the darn cars.

This "thing" that has been pulling at me also played out very well last week. I am telling you God is sending me all the signs and I am paying very close attention lol.

Cristian wanted to play outside....there was nothing out there to play with and I was pooped. He asked me to play with him I said there is nothing out there to play with.....he goes outside...alone.....and he comes back with the tee ball stand, a foam basketball, and a bat. He says SEE MOMMA there is something to play out here basketball. Well I was caught now wasn't I? So I went out and played for about 10-15 minutes and he had a lot of fun. Now this is something that I have always done. Cristian and I played ALL the time, I would chase him around the house, up the stairs, down the stairs, and I would sing with him and then out of nowhere we got here to MASS and I have been selfish.

Going outside to play with my son is showing him love and it is also spending time with him as well. I don't have a small little boy for that long and I should stop being selfish with my time and give it to him first and foremost. I am not a perfect person and I don't claim to be but making time is something that I have fought with here because I tend to follow my husband and his "lazy" ways. I am not making an excuse it is just what I have done, I own it. I am coming to terms with the fact that my life is not about me and I need to give to the one person I promised to give to my son.

I need to take more time to stop and smell the roses and not worry so much about the chores that need to be done in the house and stop living by a schedule all the time and just go out there and play cars with my son. I do everything in my house...except for the dishes the my husband takes care of some of the time. More often than not it is me and working a full time job, making sure that my husband and I have lunch for the next day, the kiddo gets a bath, I get my workout in, the small chores get done, and I spend quality time with the family during the week is really hard. Finding the balance is HARD lol but I should sacrifice other things and not the time that my son wants with me because I will never get that back.

Why it has to come to an end

Being at my challenge group training this weekend really opened my eyes to a lot of things. Since I have started training for a competition a number of things have happened.

I started training in December and it was really on a whim, I am a girl that totally does these things. Act now deal with the consequences later, yup that would be me. Ever since I have started in December the Money Monster has come and bit me in the rear end. With competiting I knew that there was money involved I just didn't realize how much! Long story short I have been dead broke and giving my money away to competition. My grocery bill also went up to about double because I have been eating out my fridge every week which is a good thing but one thing at a time you know?

I have been praying for God to give me direction on where I wanted to go with my life. I wanted to know if Beachbody, Photography, or just the Guard was my answer I was ready and willing to take whatever he gave me. So in the past thirty days my business has been booming and I can't be any happier. I am a true beliver that God will work in a way that he sends you signs and you just have to be willing to see them. My sign was this YOUARE BROKE AND YOUR BUSINESS IS STARTING TO TAKE OFF. I made it to Pittsburg in the midst of a blizzard and made it back home in time for work. It dawned on me the morning after I got to Pittsburg. The reason I am there is the way that I need to go. Some of you may think it's crazy but here's the thing I believe it and that is all that matters.

In December I also made a vision board and as you can see a fitness competition was NOT even on my vision board.....it's not something that I REALLY wanted to do. I wanted to take this year to travel with my husband and to see family and to save the money to do that.

So where am I going with this? Well, I am going to quit the competition because it doesn't align with my goals or my wallet. Competing has a heft price tag that I am not willing to give away. I have other things that I want to do with my time and money. In addition to that while the CSF meal plan is AMAZING I found myself getting overly obsessive about the food I ate and felt bad if I ate some popcorn in the evening and was always left with guilt. It was not something that was worth me worrying over. I am truly happy with my size and my weight and love being in "maintenence" mode. NOW wanna hear something crazy and which is another SIGN that was shown to me;

While I was at Kati's house this weekend she told me that Body Beast (a Beachbody workout) was hosting a fitness competition in Las Vegas and it is 1.) Free and 2.) I don't have to buy an expensive $200 bathing suit to participate. All I have to do is pay for airfare and a hotel room for the evening. If that isn't a sign.......wait a minute Jesus you are telling me that I can prosper in my business, use own of my products that cost me $68 for three months versus $79/ month plus $1500-$2000 to compete and do it for about $400 total......I think I am going to think about this. In the mean time I am going to order Body Beast and keep competition on the side burner and see what happens, if I don't compete at least I can look like a competition girl for less money and on my terms.......

Hurricane Sandy and my 5K pictures

Well since I live in he Cape Cod/Boston area we were advised to take today off. Well work gave us the day off but my husband had to go into work and it is pretty boring. I am not going to run today since it is disgusting out, but I did my Pump and it was great to get some muscle failure work in there. I really like the program but I am bummed that I am starting Week 3 over again but it's all good they are 20 and 30 minute workouts :) 

So my day was pretty un-eventful. I have been home all day, I danced with my kiddo to some Adele. I edited some pictures for a friend of mine. She got not so great newborn shots so I wanted to take a stab at editing some of them so that killed some time. I read the Bible, listened to some Joyce Meyer and studied the references that she made in her speaking. I also did flash cards with my kiddo we made a game out of it and I found some of my running pictures online. I have to say that I look like utter doggy poo running but for my sake I am going to keep it as I didn't sleep well the night before and truthfully I didn't. So here you go some pictures of my run yesterday. :) Next time I will throw on some make up ha ha ha ha! 

I hope you all have a wonderful day! I think I am going to go watch Hart of Dixie. Anyone else watch that show? It is slowly turning into my guilty pleasure :D 

Forgiveness

Well today I didn't go to church I decided to stay home because the traffic at the Cape was going to be crazy long and I didn't want to spend a few hours commuting back and forth to church so church at home it was. I was listening to Joyce Meyer this morning. I am doing one of her devotionals on my Bible App on my iPad and I was flipping through channels before that and I caught her Battlefield of the Mind Series. I recorded it but later watched it on my ipad as well to get an hour of His Word and teaching this morning. 

 My past isn't something of glamor for a period of my life. I was married to someone and he hurt me physically, emotionally, and verbally. Don't you feel bad for me because I was no saint in that marriage either. Back to the point, I walked away from that marriage defeated, exhausted, and ANGRY. Oh man was I am angry ugly ugly human being. I got into counseling and that helped me to a degree but I needed more so long story short to a few months ago when I was talking to my Senior Chief about how I was doing. We got into the topic of B and I broke down and started crying and the angry ugly Jeannette came out (I was trying to walk in my walk with God so I was a "baby" again). I came out and my Senior Chief told me that I needed to forgive him. HA NO FREAKING WAY HE HURT ME, HE TOOK B AWAY FROM ME, HE ABUUUUUSED ME! ME ME ME ME ME! Here I am married to another man with another child and still living through those dark years of my life. I didn't know how to forgive I didn't know what spiritually that MEANT. Ok I can say I forgive him Jesus can we be done yet? (NOPE) 

 This is the part that I was missing......it wasn't about him the bad one, the mean one. It was about me being able to move on and that is what I learned today. I remember driving home from work a few days after I talked to my Senior Chief....God please help me understand what this forgiveness thing is all about because I have no clue. I am so MAD, it was so UGLY. How do I forgive someone that tormented my brain for so many years? Does it mean that I have to talk to him again? WHAT on Earth does that mean? He didn't even say SORRY! I was the bad guy, I was the one who was a bad Mom etc. etc. Low and behold guess what? I got a phone call a few months later right before I moved and it was HIM the evil one, the one that was so mean to ME. He told me that he did things that were not right in our marriage and that he will always care for me because I am B's Mother, and that he was sorry and it was tormenting him too and he was happy but couldn't move on. 

Here we are miles and miles away from each other probably going through the same things in our mind.......it's amazing how he works and how he gave me everything that I wanted and how today I am able to close the chapter and how the anger is just GONE I swear it's disappeared......Life is truly a blessing and it is better to be happy in your walk on this Earth along side God but also to forgive!