Grit-
courage and resolve; strength of character.
| synonyms: | strength of will, moral fiber, endurance; |
I blamed everyone else for my problems and the way that I looked. I blamed it on my kids on my circumstances. It was everyone elses fault but my own.
There I stood in front of that camera not knowing what the hell I was going to get myself into. 10 years I hated that body I was in. I stood in the mirror, picked myself apart, and I didn't truly love myself anymore.
Why?
THIS is the person that I was. Of course all you see is a picture of someone that is overweight and that doesn't look happy but let's go inside the mind of Jeannette in 2011.
In May 2006 my life changed forever. I had experienced the ultimate betrayal of physical abuse in my marriage, then later I found that there was infidelity, I got into the Coast Guard months after these incidents, met my current husband, had a baby with him, got divorced and lost physical custody of my first son who now lives with his father. We do share 50/50 custody, not ideal but I am making the best of the situation at hand.
To top it all off my job sent me and my new family to Kodiak Alaska so not only was my first son living in another state, I was going to be on the other side of the world! Everything was taken from me, my marriage, my son, my possessions, and my body was disrespected and trust betrayed. I was blessed by having my husband and my second son but I had never truly gotten over the pain of my past in order to fully appreciate what was right in front of me all along and didn't see the blessing that had come.
In between getting divorced and getting pregnant and into another serious relationship alcohol was my best friend. I drank every night to escape my problems even though I was seeing a counselor alcohol was the ultimate way to get away. I knew my first marriage was over long before it was really over but my kid......that still gets at my core even now as I type. Now, years later things are forgiven and the anger gone but it sometimes cripples me that things didn't pan out the way I wanted or pictured them to.
So there I was in this picture standing looking at the camera never having gotten over my son being gone and the anger that I held with my ex in regards to the whole situation of our marriage falling apart and there was more to it and I was by no means a great wife either but the physical abuse was something that I couldn't move past. I was and am happy in my current marriage (7 years strong) and going through what I did with my son helped me to become a better mother and person overall but that part came later. I was in a place where I was away from everyone that I knew, my husband was gone on a patrol, so it was me and my second baby boy home alone in a world we didn't really know. The first part of that tour there was a hot mess and I was so angry and blamed everyone else for my current situation. I didn't realize how much that time alone away from everyone I knew was what I desperately needed. I needed to focus on myself and just having to care for my son at the time was really all I could handle.
I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and in Jan 2011 I decided to go back to the Jeannette that I was before "the rock bottom pit" of my life. Before my first marriage I was totally positive, I didn't have self esteem issues, and I was seriously SO determined to succeed, it was in me. I remember a moment when I was in the Army and we were doing an obstacle course and I told myself, "You need to run by 10 guys just push past 10 of them don't let them beat you." I wanted THAT girl back, the one that fought to better herself, not the one that was broken from everything going wrong in my life.
I wanted my old mentality back, so for me getting that back was physically getting myself back in shape and that is what I sought out to do. I started my fitness journey. I joined a fitness accountability group and I was surrounded by the most positive people ever. Which was crazy. I mean all these people are really lifting me up. There are people like that out there in the world. Not everyone is mean and eventually I started seeing the good in people.
I thought to myself daily, "Why not me? Why can't I get me back?" I am good enough and I want this for me. I want to feel "normal." I want to have my confidence back. So, I started working out and eating healthy and there was no looking back. I sweat, cried at the frustration that I had because I wasn't as strong physically as I thought I was but I was getting there one day at a time. It was a true test for me which is crazy because who seriously would think that starting a workout program and joining an accountability group would change my life so dramatically. The thing is is that I decided to change, it started with my body and ended up being my mind and my life. The side effect was a reflection in the mirror that I loved inside and out.
I decided to be free of the negativity and look to the positive. I started reading personal development books, I quit smoking, I started creating goals for myself, and making everything that I felt was negative and putting a positive spin on it. In May of 2011 I gave my life to Christ and I have not turned back from that either. God has seriously changed my life in addition to fitness. it's crazy!
I also started taking care of myself, paying more attention to my little baby boy, calling my son in Florida more often, being thankful to my husband and showing him more affection, apologizing to those whom I had done wrong in the past, and gave up drinking so heavily. I seriously believe that faith and fitness has helped me heal myself and to get the ME back that I knew was in me all along but I had to push past the pain and the heartache and enjoy the good, focus on the positive, and look forward and refusing to look back and fester there. There is nothing in my past now but lessons learned that I am now grateful for. My past made me who I am today but it doesn't define who I am now. I was capable of change to get myself back.
Why not you? Why can't you overcome?
I am here to tell you that you can. The road that I traveled was not a short and quick one. My healing continues today and the more I heal I can see areas of my life where I am still broken. I am not perfect but I am not the same person that I was and you don't have to be either. You are capable of change, you are capable of being happy and to have the ability to enjoy life.
You are worth of being happy and smiling all day everyday. Why can't you? Because someone told you you can't or is it that you don't believe that you can? I am here to tell you to stop listening to everyone else and DO YOU and be HAPPY! You were not put here to be unhappy and struggling, you were put here to be ALIVE!
So when you are looking at people that inspire you ask yourself why not me and do something about it!
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