In a rut

I am in a rut. There I said it and I feel better! No, actually I don't and truly I am in a rut.

I was so careful watching my weight when the baby came. I was meticulous about what I was eating when I was eating it all in the name of putting the healthiest thing in my body for my baby and not gaining a super excessive amount of weight.

I have 10 pounds left to lose and I have been there since September. A whole month no gains and no losses (good thing) but I am frustrated. 

I have an abdominal separation that makes it pretty painful to do anything abs related which makes exercise as a whole pretty painful at times. I can't lift heavy weights, after I run I look pregnant so I feel a bit defeated and the mindset of well EFF IT has started to hone into my heart and it's hard to fight it. 

Today, I didn't eat enough 2 eggs with peppers, 1/2 c pork tenderloin with carrots and hummus and three slices of pizza. Um yeah that's pretty terrible.....at least I got some vegetables? LOL I don't even know what to say. 

I have a TON on my mind right now and it goes from me eating my lame boring clean food while everyone else eats what they eat added on to the fact that the grocery bill will go up and all of these realizations are the ones that people have and struggle with. I am struggling with having a new baby and keeping everything all together.  I have not been in this position in a very long time. I didn't remember this part when people were in my challenge groups and what not. 

I will see where tomorrow will bring but for today I am in a rut and I don't know how to get the spark to come back on to help me lose the rest of the weight or at least lose this defeated feeling that I have.  I can say all day that I will meal plan and start tomorrow when in reality it's probably bullshit. Knowing that I am at this point helps me know that I may be getting closer to the light turning on. I will continue to exercise and eat as well as I can. Do your best and forget the rest right? 

One of the hardest things that I have had to face is the fact that I go to the people I have helped prosper and tell them that I am down and they automatically say that I will get back to where I was in no time. I now have that stigma that I am full of grit and I get shit done when all I want is for someone to tell ME that they understand and it's ok. 

Well there it is my vent session for my rut and hopefully I can look back at this and say WOW look at how far you have come once again!