Self Love

Self-love............

It's something that is being talked about a lot in my world lately and examples of self-love not happening is around me and of course I am now paying attention.

This is something that I have a hard time with. Truly, we love other people but do we love ourselves. I find that I am most critical of myself, I can almost honestly say that with the exception of being in a really ugly relationship no one other than myself said anything derogatory towards me. I was and have been after I had children always hard on myself.

I was once 98 pounds and happy. I didn't see a problem with how much I weighed because no one ever told me otherwise, I went to the Army gained a ton of muscle and weight and felt great and again because no one said anything. Weight wasn't an issue. After I had my son I gained 65 pounds happily. I did not know what a healthy pregnancy was and no one said I was big I truly thought that I was going to go back to the 105 pounds I weighed because I thought that is what women do.

Boy was I wrong! I held on to 30 of those pounds! I didn't recognize myself and along with my ex mentioning my weight that is when my body dysmorphia started. I saw myself bigger than what I was and I always had something negative to say about my body. I hated my stomach and I hated what my child did to me. Mind you, I now know that it was all my fault and if I didn't open my face to all the Chinese, pizza, and double servings of my mothers cooking things would have been different. When you are 19 and having a kid common sense isn't there. Now, I know different.

I know a lot of things that are different and now that I am taking care of myself optimally in a way that I never have I am truly loving who I am on the inside and outside. I am becoming a different, softer person, that has more compassion, love and a lot less anger. I will throw it out there just in case. I love my children more than my own life and they absolutely make me happy! I was young and didn't know any better. Hell I didn't know life really. I look back and the journals I had when I was 19 and I was in NO way ready to be a mother never the less a wife to someone. Ah but such is life and it was and continues to be a never ending lesson in my life. I digress,

This year I am on a journey to love myself......it hasn't been easy........Last month was TERRIBLE in the self love department and I know that I need to change. I am done being stubborn and I am going to make changes to making myself love a priority in my life.

So what is my plan? Well first of all I am putting my health first. I am currently on the autoimmune protocol. What is that? It is an elimination diet to heal the gut and find what irritates it so that I can live a more optimal life. Lately, I have had a lot of digestive upset in the form of IBS symptoms and I know it is because of my yo-yo dieting and cleanses and things that I didn't know were terrible for me. I am starting my slate clean and eating meats, veggies, and healthy fats and concentrating on nutrient density and eating REAL FOOD. No shakes, no pills other than my birth control and probiotic I am just literally keeping it real. I feel like once I get my health in check and starting making better food choices, getting good sleep and reducing stress I will be better to come from a deeper place of love and slowly see the progress I have made in my health rather than look at everything that is wrong.

I think that I am going to make self love a series on this blog because it is something I obviously have a bunch to say about and I think that more women need to love themselves and appreciate the moment and season they are in right now rather than always looking ahead and taking care of everyone else but themselves.

Until next time! XOXOOX