Pieces of me Part 2

There is a video of us clowning playing beer pong and in the background you can hear him tell me that he loved me and I was absolutely oblivious to it. I didn’t hear him until one of my friends showed me and asked me to listen very closely and there it was…”I love you.” He was my friend, my brother, in the FRIEND ZONE. There were times that we flirted but for me it wasn’t anything serious. He wasn’t my type and he was my friend. Until about October or September…..I had a crush on him. I was listening to his favorite band in my car and all I could do was smile! I would think of him and ALL of the funny things that we did together and I would just laugh in my car……by myself. HA HA HA! I left it alone because he was my friend and push the feelings aside and moved on. He started dating someone and I got jealous and I didn’t like it but let it go because he was my friend…I blamed it on me wanting to look out for him….come one lets get real. Well that didn’t last very long and I also let my feelings go yet again…….until January for New Years I had no one to kiss and neither did he and I asked him to be my kissy face buddy and we kissed. Just a light tap on the lips and I was shocked and told him that I was that he didn’t try to kiss me with some…uh hmm action! Well, he did and that was a wrap from there. I felt the sparks, the magic and I really couldn’t get in my car and not smile when his songs came on. I thought of him and there were flutterbyes. He made me laugh and I could seriously no joke be the idiot crazy lady that I always hid inside. He made me feel beautiful ALL the time and still does to this day.

He had me, his girl. He got what he had patiently waited for but don’t get me wrong I was broken, I was still a mess and we had a long way to go before we got to where we are now. I know his love is true, he taught me what love is. He does little things for me, he sings to me, he looks at me with pure love in his eyes. He rubs his fingers lightly down my back because it relaxes me, he wrestles with me and pins me down to kiss me. He cooks me breakfast, he loves my son from my first marriage, he is honest, loving, kind, patient. All of these things that go back to 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 he IS all of that. My husband is love, he is the meaning of it and from him I learn every day. I make mistakes and he doesn’t hold them against me just loves me. He makes me laugh and I miss him like a loca when he is gone. I am a mess when he is not around but I love it when he is gone ha ha GIRL time hello!!! I don’t get a lot of that in a house surrounded with boys ha ha. I am the woman that I am because of him, I don’t have to be strong, I don’t have to hold it all in, he brings out my best not my worst. God blessed me with him because I am sure He needed me to see love for what it truly is. God made him for me and He made me for him and I praise my God every day and thank Him for the love that He brought to my life.

Between my husband and my sons I have experienced love first hand. I know that speaking about emotions is a good thing and one that we as humans should do often. I also want my children to speak to me freely about how they feel no matter what because it is good for the soul. Violence is not the answer and me being abused in my marriage and in my childhood was bad but I have forgiven and in my marriage I was also abusive.

I never want to go back and be that person so full of pain, anger, resentment, fear, and have a lack of control. I want to really be the good that I see in the world which is why I have gotten my degree, I have lost the weight and I am slowly getting rid of bad habits. I want to be able to practice what I preach to people that I encounter daily.  I want to spend time with my children and play with them. I want to be able to be a good role model for them and having the positive life that I have now will be so much easier for me to show them that. I am in love with love, love of all things and I want to exude that to the world. This is why I write, this is why I give advice. I want to inspire. I want to use this blog to do that even if it is just for one person 